Jim Gibson of Cuyahoga Falls scores the $25 Speedway gift card from the three LOCAL Klaben Auto Stores for this week's gem.
A woman was being tried for the murder of her third husband.
The prosecutor asked, "What happened to your first husband?"
"He died of mushroom poisoning." said the wife.
"How about your second husband?" asked the prosecutor.
"He died of mushroom poisoning, too," said the woman.
"Well, then," pressed the prosecutor, "what about your third husband?"
The wife replied, "He died of a brain concussion."
"A concussion?" The prosecutor asked "why did that happen?"
The wife paused and then said, "because he wouldn’t eat the mushrooms!"
"Mr. Anonymous" doesn't want us to us his name or where he's from -- which is a shame, because he should get FULL credit for the Joke of the Week. No matter; he's got that $25 Speedway gift card courtesy Klaben Auto coming his way.
A guy went into the hospital for some minor surgery, and the day after the procedure a friend stopped by to see how the guy was doing.
His friend was amazed at the number of nurses who entered the room in short intervals with refreshments, offers to fluff his pillows, make the bed, give back rubs, etc. “Why all the attention?” the friend asked, “You look fine to me.”
“I know!” grinned the patient. “But the nurses kind of formed a little fan club when they all heard that my circumcision required twenty-seven stitches.”
The Joke of the Week is truly disgusting...so we're glad to share. Congrats to Ron Beason of Holmesville, who wins that Klaben $25 Speedway gift card.
A carpenter crew from West Virginia was building a house in Seven Hills. One of the crew had to go to the porta potty and do his thing.
After about ten minutes he came out, went to the lumber pile grabbed a 2x4 and put a nail in it. He then went back into the porta potty. The crew leader noticed this and went down to see what the hell was going on.
When he opened the door the man was just pulling his lunch bag out of the porta potty hole. With a surprised look on his face he looked at the man and said “you’re not going to eat that are you?”
The man turned and replied “HELL no, but my chewin' tobacco was in there.”
Deborah from Cleveland with a literal oldie and goodie for The Works from Klaben Auto!
A little old lady asks her doctor if there are any Viagra pills for her elderly husband.
"Yes," the doc says, "there are three different strengths: 20% , which lifts it up a little bit; 50%, which makes it stand up half way; and 100%, which makes it touch the ceiling."
"Oh", says the woman,"I'll take the 20% pill please."
The doc shrugs his shoulders and says, "the 20% pill won't do much for you sex life, love."
To which the old woman replies, "no, I know that, but it'll stop him peeing on his damn slippers!"
He just wants to be known as Richard from Green, and he gets The Works from Klaben Auto for the Joke of the Week.
Three guys die and go to hell. When they arrive the devil informs them that he is going to remove their jewels.
“Oh, how are you going to do it?” asks one of the guys.
“Whatever your father’s jobs were, that’s how I’ll remove them” says the devil.
So he calls over the first guy “Your father was a lumberjack… So will use a chain saw.” With with one swipe of the saw, they were gone.
To the second guy he says “Your father was a blacksmith… So I’m going to burn it off” And with one rush of flame, they were gone.
As the Devil calls the third guy over he notices his third victim is smiling. “Why are you smiling, you just watched me remove your friends jewels!" says the devil.
“I know,” replies the man, “but my father sold popsicles.”
The Klaben Auto Works package goes to Denny Henke of Akron:
It was a rough season for the Cincinnati Bengals but after they beat the Ravens, Bengal Bob (Bengal Betty's half-brother) went to a "Who Dey" party and ended up getting totally wasted.
A couple of days later he noticed 3 rings around his you know what. This got him pretty scared so he went to the doctor. The doctor ordered tests.
Five days later, the doctor called and said, "Bengal Bob...I have good news and some bad news."
Bengal Bob said, "What's the good news?"
The doctor said, "The red ring is lipstick."
Bengal Bob asked "OMG, what is the bad news?"
The doctor responded "the other two are chewing tobacco!"
This week's JOKE winner for The Works from Klaben is a twosome -- D & L from Akron for this gem!
A very strict minister was seated on a plane bound from Hong Kong to the US with a stopover in Honolulu.
A crusty old Marine boarded and as fate would have it he was seated next to the strict minister. The Stewardess asked the Marine if he wanted a cocktail?
The soldier got a Rum and Coke, Then she asked the minister if he wanted a drink.
He said, in a disgusted tone, "I'd rather be savagely abused by a dozen sluts than let liquor touch my lips."
The old Marine then handed his drink back to the flight attendant and said "I'D LIKE THAT TOO, I DIDN'T KNOW WE HAD A CHOICE."
This Joke of the Week for The Works from Klaben is a HOT one! Thanks to Arnie of Ellet -- last name withheld by request.
Bengal Betty goes into a sex shop and starts to browse.
She’s looking at all the toys on the walls and sees a big red one. She asks the cashier, “How much is this one?” He replies “It’s not for sale that’s a fire extinguisher.”
The Joke of the Week comes from Jim Brown of Hudson, who snares The Works from Klaben Auto.
A man walked into a church in Pittsburgh and told the priest he had problems. The man didn’t have any arms and he couldn’t find a job.
The priest had an idea. He told the man that he could ring the bell. He showed him where and told him to move forward pushing the bell forward and get out of the way to let it ring.
The man started and got good at it...until one day, he didn’t get out of the way and the bell swung back and knocked him off the tower to his death. A crowd gathered, but no one knew him.
Then along came the priest...they all asked if he recognized the man: his response was "I don't remember his name, but his face rings a bell"!
Joke of the Week is a sick one -- and thanks Denny Henke of New Philadelphia, who gets The Works from Klaben.
There was a bad airline crash in Pittsburgh. The FAA called family members to an aircraft hanger to Identify the remains. After most had been identified, and official reached down and picked up a head by the hair, held it high above his head, and called out "can anyone identify this man?'
A guy way in the back yells out "it looks like my brother.......but he wasn't that tall!!!"
Joke of the Week goes to Dave Cornish of Akron, who gets The Works from Klaben Auto for this quickie
Have you ever wondered if the dollar bills in your purse or wallet were ever in a stripper’s butt crack?
If not, you’re wondering now. Have a nice day!
Congrats and thanks to Terri Heffelfinger of Jeromesville for this Joke of the Week -- getting The Works from Klaben Auto!
After a long day at the waste treatment facility, Steeler Jim arrives home to his trailer, walks in and sees his wife, Bengal Betty, watching a cooking show.
He says, "Why are you watching that? You don't know how to cook."
Bengal Betty looks at him and says "So...you watch porn."
Jim Gibson's getting The Works from Klaben Auto for the Joke of the Week.
Little Mario comes back from the school crying. “Mom, everybody in the school calls me "Mafioso".
“Donna worry, my son. Tomorrow I will go to see the principal.”
“Thank you mom. Please make it look like an accident.”