Deborah from Cleveland with a literal oldie and goodie for The Works from Klaben Auto!
A little old lady asks her doctor if there are any Viagra pills for her elderly husband.
"Yes," the doc says, "there are three different strengths: 20% , which lifts it up a little bit; 50%, which makes it stand up half way; and 100%, which makes it touch the ceiling."
"Oh", says the woman,"I'll take the 20% pill please."
The doc shrugs his shoulders and says, "the 20% pill won't do much for you sex life, love."
To which the old woman replies, "no, I know that, but it'll stop him peeing on his damn slippers!"
He just wants to be known as Richard from Green, and he gets The Works from Klaben Auto for the Joke of the Week.
Three guys die and go to hell. When they arrive the devil informs them that he is going to remove their jewels.
“Oh, how are you going to do it?” asks one of the guys.
“Whatever your father’s jobs were, that’s how I’ll remove them” says the devil.
So he calls over the first guy “Your father was a lumberjack… So will use a chain saw.” With with one swipe of the saw, they were gone.
To the second guy he says “Your father was a blacksmith… So I’m going to burn it off” And with one rush of flame, they were gone.
As the Devil calls the third guy over he notices his third victim is smiling. “Why are you smiling, you just watched me remove your friends jewels!" says the devil.
“I know,” replies the man, “but my father sold popsicles.”
The Klaben Auto Works package goes to Denny Henke of Akron:
It was a rough season for the Cincinnati Bengals but after they beat the Ravens, Bengal Bob (Bengal Betty's half-brother) went to a "Who Dey" party and ended up getting totally wasted.
A couple of days later he noticed 3 rings around his you know what. This got him pretty scared so he went to the doctor. The doctor ordered tests.
Five days later, the doctor called and said, "Bengal Bob...I have good news and some bad news."
Bengal Bob said, "What's the good news?"
The doctor said, "The red ring is lipstick."
Bengal Bob asked "OMG, what is the bad news?"
The doctor responded "the other two are chewing tobacco!"
This week's JOKE winner for The Works from Klaben is a twosome -- D & L from Akron for this gem!
A very strict minister was seated on a plane bound from Hong Kong to the US with a stopover in Honolulu.
A crusty old Marine boarded and as fate would have it he was seated next to the strict minister. The Stewardess asked the Marine if he wanted a cocktail?
The soldier got a Rum and Coke, Then she asked the minister if he wanted a drink.
He said, in a disgusted tone, "I'd rather be savagely abused by a dozen sluts than let liquor touch my lips."
The old Marine then handed his drink back to the flight attendant and said "I'D LIKE THAT TOO, I DIDN'T KNOW WE HAD A CHOICE."
This Joke of the Week for The Works from Klaben is a HOT one! Thanks to Arnie of Ellet -- last name withheld by request.
Bengal Betty goes into a sex shop and starts to browse.
She’s looking at all the toys on the walls and sees a big red one. She asks the cashier, “How much is this one?” He replies “It’s not for sale that’s a fire extinguisher.”
The Joke of the Week comes from Jim Brown of Hudson, who snares The Works from Klaben Auto.
A man walked into a church in Pittsburgh and told the priest he had problems. The man didn’t have any arms and he couldn’t find a job.
The priest had an idea. He told the man that he could ring the bell. He showed him where and told him to move forward pushing the bell forward and get out of the way to let it ring.
The man started and got good at it...until one day, he didn’t get out of the way and the bell swung back and knocked him off the tower to his death. A crowd gathered, but no one knew him.
Then along came the priest...they all asked if he recognized the man: his response was "I don't remember his name, but his face rings a bell"!
Joke of the Week is a sick one -- and thanks Denny Henke of New Philadelphia, who gets The Works from Klaben.
There was a bad airline crash in Pittsburgh. The FAA called family members to an aircraft hanger to Identify the remains. After most had been identified, and official reached down and picked up a head by the hair, held it high above his head, and called out "can anyone identify this man?'
A guy way in the back yells out "it looks like my brother.......but he wasn't that tall!!!"
Joke of the Week goes to Dave Cornish of Akron, who gets The Works from Klaben Auto for this quickie
Have you ever wondered if the dollar bills in your purse or wallet were ever in a stripper’s butt crack?
If not, you’re wondering now. Have a nice day!
Congrats and thanks to Terri Heffelfinger of Jeromesville for this Joke of the Week -- getting The Works from Klaben Auto!
After a long day at the waste treatment facility, Steeler Jim arrives home to his trailer, walks in and sees his wife, Bengal Betty, watching a cooking show.
He says, "Why are you watching that? You don't know how to cook."
Bengal Betty looks at him and says "So...you watch porn."
Jim Gibson's getting The Works from Klaben Auto for the Joke of the Week.
Little Mario comes back from the school crying. “Mom, everybody in the school calls me "Mafioso".
“Donna worry, my son. Tomorrow I will go to see the principal.”
“Thank you mom. Please make it look like an accident.”
Joke of the Week winner Rebecca Connor hails from Barberton, and scores for The Works from Klaben Auto!
Three football fans die at the same time and go to heaven. A Bengal fan, a Ravens fan and a Steelers fan.
An angel greets them and tells them "There is good news, everyone here gets a car. The more faithful you were to your wife the better the car. You get your cars in a week."
A week goes by and the guys return to see what kind of cars they got.
The Bengals fan says that he was not the most faithful, cheated a lot and feels bad about it and received a Prius. The Ravens fan said, "I only cheated two times and regret it, and I got a Porsche".
The Steelers fan was crying, but finally responds, "I never cheated one time and got the top of the line Lamborghini".
The other guys say, "That’s great, so why are you upset?"
The Steelers fan says "My wife just died yesterday and I just saw her go by; she was pedaling a tricycle".
Heather didn't want us using her last name, even though we told her Steeler Jim doesn't read that far. She wins The Works from Klaben for this short sweet Joke of the Week!
Have you heard? Scientists have discovered the one sexual position that makes ugly kids! Just ask Steeler Jim’s Mom.
Congrats to John Gilbertson of Macedonia for contributing this Joke of the Week for The Works from Klaben!
A Texan walks into a pub in Cincinnati and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."
The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer; in fact, one woman leaves but returns about 15 minutes later. Then Bengal Betty taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?"
The Texan says yes, and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Bengal Betty tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back.
The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. The Texan gives Betty the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"
Bengal Betty replies, "Oh ... I had to go to the bar down the street to see if I could do it first."