jokeoftheday header

Jeff Kinzbach in the Morning (221)

Monday, 25 April 2016 10:44

Meet Da Vinci and Pat

Da Vinci is around 2 years old and weighs about 35 pounds. His mom was a Boxer and dad a Pug and this adorable “Bug” can’t wait to find his forever home! This handsome man can be a little shy when first meeting some new people but with just a little time and a few treats he warms right up. Once he knows you, he turns into an outgoing and happy puppy! He would do best in a home with older children and he seems to get along well with most other dogs and also shows potential with kitties! Stop down and meet Da Vinci today!

cat patMeet Pat! He is a 5-6 year old front de-claw who arrived to us after his owner was no longer able to keep him. Pat is a social and friendly boy who enjoys being brushed and pet! Pat will rub all against you asking for more and more love! He is an easy going guy who likes to play with toys and roll around in a pile of cat nip! Pat hopes you come see him at our shelter soon!

Friday, 15 April 2016 12:33

Joke of the week 4/15

This week's JOKE OF THE WEEK comes from Doug Holland of Canfield -- a real keeper for that Klaben Auto Works package!

At a hotel restaurant a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket.

It hurls by the man and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her. "This is so embarrassing," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place, "I am sorry to have disturbed you, let me buy you dinner to make it up to you. May I join you," she asks?

The man says yes. The woman is a stimulating conversationalist stunningly pretty and the man finds they have a lot in common.

He gets her phone number and asks You are the most charming women I have ever met, are you this nice to every guy you meet?

"No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."

Wednesday, 13 April 2016 15:18

Meet Potato and Morris

potatoPotato is a 6 year old Shepherd / Hound mix that weighs about 75 pounds. Despite his older age, he is one active pup! He LOVES toys of all kinds and can keep himself busy with just a simple tennis ball. He gets along well with other dogs and shows potential with kitties too! He would do best do best in a home with older children. Potato loves getting pets and being by your side. If you have your eye on this handsome spud stop in and meet Potato today!

morrisMeet Morris! This handsome guy is around 2 years old and arrived at our shelter after being brought in by a Good Samaritan. Morris is a very social, friendly and outgoing guy who adores being pet and loved on! Morris loves everyone he meets and likes to greet you with a friendly meow when you approach him. He enjoys playing with cat nip filled toys, sitting in laps and snoozing on comfy cat beds! Morris seems to get along with other cats and dogs. Morris is FIV positive but we know that will not hold him back from finding a forever home soon due to his stellar personality! If you would like more information on FIV please call our shelter at (330) 487-0333 and we would be happy to give you tons of information! Morris is hoping you stop by our shelter soon and ask to meet him today!

(FIV stands for Feline Immunodeficiency Virus. This affects only cats and cannot be spread to humans or other animals. Cats with FIV are able to live normal lifespans. FIV is not transferable through shared food and water bowls, litter boxes, mutual grooming, etc.)

Friday, 01 April 2016 15:38

Joke of the week 4/1

Congrats to new jokester Nicholas Kinney of Akron for this gem, worth The Works from Klaben Auto!

Steeler Jim and Bengal Betty returned from their honeymoon refusing to speak to each other. The next day he was talking to his good friend Jeff.

Jeff noticed something was bothering Steeler Jim and asked what was wrong. "Well," replies the Steeler Jim, "when we finished making love on the first night, I made a mistake and put a $50 bill on the pillow."

"Oh, that's not too bad," Jeff said, "She can't think you have been saving yourself all these years."

"That's not the problem," Steeler Jim says. "She gave me $20 change!"

Friday, 18 March 2016 09:18

Joke of the Week 3/18

jokeoftheweek horseThe Works from Klaben Auto goes to Jeff Bartolet of Salem for the Joke of the Week!

Steeler Jim is showering up in a locker room after work when he notices his friend is very well endowed. "Damn, Bob, you're hung!" explains Steeler Jim.

"I wasn't always this impressive," says his buddy. "I had to work for it."

"What do you mean?" asks Steeler Jim. "Well, every day for the past two years, I've spent an hour each night rubbing it with butter. I know it sounds crazy but it actually made it grow 4 inches! You should try it," his buddy answers. Steeler Jim agrees and the two depart.

A few months later the two are back in the same locker room and Bob asks Steeler Jim how his situation was.

Steeler Jim replied, "I did what you said, Bob, but I've actually gotten smaller! I lost two inches already!"

"Did you do everything I told you," Bob asked, "An hour each day with butter?"

"Well, we don't use butter, so I've been using Crisco," replied Steeler Jim.

"Crisco," admonished Bob. "Damn it,Steeler Jim, everyone knows Crisco is shortening!"

Friday, 04 March 2016 09:30

Joke of the Week 3/4

jokeoftheweek bananasRobert Hildreth of Cuyahoga Falls takes this WONE Joke of the Week prize, The Works from Klaben.

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings. As a further step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved to spend their honeymoon night at home.

Later that night, their mother couldn’t sleep, so she went to the kitchen for a cup of tea. On her way, she tiptoed by her oldest daughter’s bedroom and heard her screaming. The mother thought to herself, “That’s normal, especially on her wedding night.” She snuck by her second oldest daughter’s room and heard her laughing. “That’s normal too,” she said, smiling to herself. Finally, she slipped by her youngest daughter’s room where she didn’t hear a peep, but she thought nothing of it.

The next morning in the kitchen, after the husbands had gone out, the woman asked her eldest daughter about last night’s noises. “Well Mom,” she replied, “you always said if it hurt I should scream.” “You’re absolutely right sweetheart, ”the mother assured her, turning to her middle daughter. “Now why were you laughing?” she asked. “You always said if it tickled, I could laugh,” she answered. “True enough, honey.” The mother smiled, remembering her newlywed days.

“Now it’s your turn, baby,” she said turning to her youngest daughter. “Why was it so quiet in your room last night?” “Mom, don’t you remember? You always told me never to talk with my mouth full.”

Friday, 26 February 2016 09:06

Joke Of The Week 2/26

Tom Bartholemy of Ravenna scores The Works from Klaben Auto with WONE's Joke of the Week.

A young teenaged girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma. The young girl was frantic.

Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, "What are you lining up for, dear?" Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.

"Mmm, sounds lovely," said Grandma, "I think I'll have some myself" she continued as she made her way to the back of the line.

A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he was bewildered. "But you're so old... how do you do it?"

Grandma replied, "Oh, it's quite easy, sonny... I just remove my dentures and suck 'em dry!"

Friday, 19 February 2016 10:11

Joke of the Week 2/19

The WONE Joke of the Week winner is Klayleene Mantz of Akron, who grabs The Works from Klaben Auto.

Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the Princess. But there was a problem. The princess was cursed. Anything she touched would melt. No matter what it was, metal, wood, stone, anything. Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.

The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured."

The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king’s wealth. Three young princes took up a challenge.

The first brought a sword of the finest steel. But alas, when the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly.

The second prince brought diamonds. He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted. He too was sent away disappointed.

The third prince approached. He told the princess "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there." The princess did as she was told, though she turned a little red. She felt something hard. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!! The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.

What was in the prince’s pants? M&M’s of course. They melt in your mouth, not in your hand! What were you thinking???

Friday, 12 February 2016 10:05

Joke of the Week 2/12

jokeoftheweek shhhDave Anderson of North Ridgeville's getting The Works from Klaben for the WONE Joke of the Week.

Steeler Jim and Bengal Betty got married. That night in their honeymoon suite Steeler Jim bends over removes his pant and throws them over the Bengal Betty and says "Here, put these on."

Betty replies "I can't wear your pants!" Steeler Jim say that's right as long as we are married I wear the pants in the family. On Mondays I play golf, on Tuesday I play cards with the boys, Wednesday Thursday andFriday I go to the bar, Saturday I play soccer and Sunday I watch the Steelers.

Betty bends over removes her panties and throws them over to Jim and says "Here put these." Jim replies "You're crazy, I can;t get in these panties!" Betty replies "That's right, and you'll never get in those unless you change your schedule and attitude."

Friday, 05 February 2016 10:21

Joke of the Week 2/5

WONE's Joke of the Week with The Works from Klaben goes to Randy Meekins of Akron -- not AARP-approved.

Two VERY elderly Steelers fans decide to get married; on their honeymoon night, not much was happening. After a few minutes, the old man passes gas and says "Touchdown! Seven points."

The bride asks what that means, and he responds it's Fart Football. Smiling, a few minutes later she lets one loos and says "Touchdown, tie score!"

A little while later, the she adds another squeaker and says "Field goal, 10-7." Not be be outdone, the new groom strains as hard as he can and lets loose, a bit TOO much.

The wife asks "what does THAT mean?" He says "Halftime. Switch sides!"

Page 6 of 16