Joke of the Week (69)

Monday, 23 May 2016 08:35

Joke of the Week 5/20

Get ready for a ride thanks to K.C. of Akron with The Works from Klaben Auto for this gem.

Steeler Jim goes to the doctor. "Doc, you've gotta help me! My wife Bengal Betty just isn't interested in sex anymore. Haven't you got a pill or something I can give her? I am desperate!"

The doctor opens his desk drawer and removes a small bottle of pills. "Ordinarily, I wouldn't do this. These are experimental. The tests so far indicate that they're VERY powerful. Don't give her more than ONE, understand? Just ONE!"

"I don't know, Doc, she's awfully cold..." sputters Jim. "Just one," admonishes the doctor. "One. No more. In her coffee. Okay?"

Jim agrees and leaves for home, where Betty has dinner waiting. When dinner is finished, she goes to the kitchen to bring dessert. Jim hastily pulls the pills from his pocket and drops one into Betty's coffee.

He reflects for a moment, hesitates, then drops in a second pill.

And then he begins to worry. The doctor did say they were powerful. Then inspiration strikes, he drops one pill into his own coffee. Betty returns with the shortcake and they enjoy their dessert and coffee.

A few minutes after they finish, Betty shudders a little, sighs deeply and heavily, and a strange look comes over her. In a near whisper, and a tone of voice he has never heard her use before, she rumbles "I...need... a man...NOW!"

Jim's eyes glitter and his hands tremble as he replies, "Me... too..."

Friday, 13 May 2016 10:54

Joke of the Week 5/13

Quickest decision for Joke of the Week -- EVER! Thanks Jim Gibson of Akron for what's sure to be a classic, winning the Speedway gift card from Klaben Auto.

"Pinocchio bumps into his old pal Geppetto, the carpenter who made him. Geppetto asks how he is getting it on with his girlfriend. "Not bad," Pinocchio says, "but when we have sex she keeps complaining about the splinters."

"Don't worry," says Geppetto, "I'll give you a sheet of fine sandpaper. That should sort out the problem." A few weeks later, they meet again. "How are things with your girlfriend now?" asks Geppetto.

"Who needs a girlfriend?" Pinocchio replies!!.

Wednesday, 11 May 2016 09:25

WONE Joke of the Week 5/6/16

From Tom Bruce of Boston Heights, this week's winner for the Speedway gift card from Klaben Auto!

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts,which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture about five more times; when she is about to hand him another batch again ....he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?

*'We can't chew them because we've got no teeth', she replied.*

The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?

The old lady replied, "we just love the chocolate around them.*

Wednesday, 11 May 2016 09:25

WONE Joke of the Week 4/29/16

This JOKE OF THE WEEK scores the $25 Speedway gift card thanks to Klaben Auto...and it's Roy Hughes of Mogadore.

Two very devoted nuns came to the USA from Poland. They got off the boat and were walking around New York taking in the sites, sound and smells. Soon they see a hot dog vendor, and the one nun said, "I’ve heard about these all my life, we’ve got to try some." So they bought 2 and were walking away when the one nun open hers looked at it and threw it in the trash...She looked at the other nun and said "WHAT PART OF THE DOG DID YOU GET??????"

Wednesday, 11 May 2016 09:23

WONE JOKE OF THE WEEK 4/22/16

The JOKE OF THE WEEK scores a $50 Speedway card courtesy Klaben Auto...and it's Tom Bartholemy of Ravenna.

Three Steelers fans -- Steve, Bob and Jim -- are working on a septic sewer rebuild when suddenly Steve falls in and is killed instantly. After the ambulance leaves with Steve's body, Bob and Jim realize one of them will have to call Steve's wife.

"I'll do it," says Bob. "I'm good at this sensitive stuff."

Two hours later he returns with a six pack of beer. "Did you tell her," asks Steeler Jim?

"Yep," responds Steeler Bob. Jim replies "...so where did you get the six pack?" Bob responds Steeler Steve's widow gave it to him.

"What! Why would she do that," cries Jim.

"Well," Bob continues, "when she answered the door I asked her 'are you Steeler Steve's widow?"

"Widow? No, your mistaken," she answered. "I'm not a widow." So I said "I'll bet you a six pack you ARE!"

Friday, 15 April 2016 12:33

Joke of the week 4/15

This week's JOKE OF THE WEEK comes from Doug Holland of Canfield -- a real keeper for that Klaben Auto Works package!

At a hotel restaurant a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket.

It hurls by the man and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her. "This is so embarrassing," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place, "I am sorry to have disturbed you, let me buy you dinner to make it up to you. May I join you," she asks?

The man says yes. The woman is a stimulating conversationalist stunningly pretty and the man finds they have a lot in common.

He gets her phone number and asks You are the most charming women I have ever met, are you this nice to every guy you meet?

"No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."

Friday, 01 April 2016 15:38

Joke of the week 4/1

Congrats to new jokester Nicholas Kinney of Akron for this gem, worth The Works from Klaben Auto!

Steeler Jim and Bengal Betty returned from their honeymoon refusing to speak to each other. The next day he was talking to his good friend Jeff.

Jeff noticed something was bothering Steeler Jim and asked what was wrong. "Well," replies the Steeler Jim, "when we finished making love on the first night, I made a mistake and put a $50 bill on the pillow."

"Oh, that's not too bad," Jeff said, "She can't think you have been saving yourself all these years."

"That's not the problem," Steeler Jim says. "She gave me $20 change!"

Friday, 18 March 2016 09:18

Joke of the Week 3/18

jokeoftheweek horseThe Works from Klaben Auto goes to Jeff Bartolet of Salem for the Joke of the Week!

Steeler Jim is showering up in a locker room after work when he notices his friend is very well endowed. "Damn, Bob, you're hung!" explains Steeler Jim.

"I wasn't always this impressive," says his buddy. "I had to work for it."

"What do you mean?" asks Steeler Jim. "Well, every day for the past two years, I've spent an hour each night rubbing it with butter. I know it sounds crazy but it actually made it grow 4 inches! You should try it," his buddy answers. Steeler Jim agrees and the two depart.

A few months later the two are back in the same locker room and Bob asks Steeler Jim how his situation was.

Steeler Jim replied, "I did what you said, Bob, but I've actually gotten smaller! I lost two inches already!"

"Did you do everything I told you," Bob asked, "An hour each day with butter?"

"Well, we don't use butter, so I've been using Crisco," replied Steeler Jim.

"Crisco," admonished Bob. "Damn it,Steeler Jim, everyone knows Crisco is shortening!"

Friday, 04 March 2016 09:30

Joke of the Week 3/4

jokeoftheweek bananasRobert Hildreth of Cuyahoga Falls takes this WONE Joke of the Week prize, The Works from Klaben.

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings. As a further step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved to spend their honeymoon night at home.

Later that night, their mother couldn’t sleep, so she went to the kitchen for a cup of tea. On her way, she tiptoed by her oldest daughter’s bedroom and heard her screaming. The mother thought to herself, “That’s normal, especially on her wedding night.” She snuck by her second oldest daughter’s room and heard her laughing. “That’s normal too,” she said, smiling to herself. Finally, she slipped by her youngest daughter’s room where she didn’t hear a peep, but she thought nothing of it.

The next morning in the kitchen, after the husbands had gone out, the woman asked her eldest daughter about last night’s noises. “Well Mom,” she replied, “you always said if it hurt I should scream.” “You’re absolutely right sweetheart, ”the mother assured her, turning to her middle daughter. “Now why were you laughing?” she asked. “You always said if it tickled, I could laugh,” she answered. “True enough, honey.” The mother smiled, remembering her newlywed days.

“Now it’s your turn, baby,” she said turning to her youngest daughter. “Why was it so quiet in your room last night?” “Mom, don’t you remember? You always told me never to talk with my mouth full.”

Friday, 26 February 2016 09:06

Joke Of The Week 2/26

Tom Bartholemy of Ravenna scores The Works from Klaben Auto with WONE's Joke of the Week.

A young teenaged girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma. The young girl was frantic.

Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, "What are you lining up for, dear?" Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.

"Mmm, sounds lovely," said Grandma, "I think I'll have some myself" she continued as she made her way to the back of the line.

A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he was bewildered. "But you're so old... how do you do it?"

Grandma replied, "Oh, it's quite easy, sonny... I just remove my dentures and suck 'em dry!"

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