Jeff Kinzbach in the Morning (167)

Thursday, 16 June 2016 10:28

Joke Of The Week 6/16

Here's the Joke of the Week a day early since Jeff hits the vacation highway...and thanks to Jim Midolo of New London, winning that Klaben Auto Works package with this gem.

A Scottish couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath, although if she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.

"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said. The girl agreed then to have a bath the following Monday.

After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched the girl get undressed. She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair.

She mentioned this to her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said: "Next Monday, when you go to darts, leave a little early and wait in the back garden. I'll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for yourself."

So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked: "Do you shave?"

"No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hair down there. Do you have hair?"

"Oh, yes," said the woman, and she pulled up her nightdress and showed the girl that she was most generously endowed in the hair department. The girl finished her bath and went to bed.

Later that night, when the husband came in, the wife asked him, "Well, did you see?"

"Yes," he said, "...but why the hell did you have to show her yours?"

"Why are you worried about that?" she said. "You've seen it often enough."

"I know," he said, "but the dart team hadn't."

Wednesday, 15 June 2016 09:53

Meet Oscar, Meyer, And Honey!

oscar and meyerOscar & Meyer are 11 year old Poodle mixes that each  weigh about 15 pounds. These sweet brothers came to us after their owner become ill and couldn't care for them anymore. They are very bonded and because of this we are requiring them to be adopted together. You get the best of both worlds with these boys, Oscar is outgoing and playful for his age, and Meyer is the cuddle bug! They get along well with most other dogs and seem to like kitties too! If you think you have room in your home and hearts for these two special boys, visit the PHSGA today!

 



cat honeyMeet Honey! This pretty 1 year old  girl arrived at our shelter with two of her feline buddies. Honey is a sweet and loving girl who is searching for a home to call her own! Honey does have a bit of a wobble when she walks, but this does not affect her quality of life! Honey doesn't know that she is different from other cats because the way she walks is all she's ever known! Honey takes a couple moments to come out of her shell, but once she does, all Honey wants is to be pet and cuddled! Honey likes to eat treats and she loves cat nip toys! Due to Honey's balance restraints, she may have difficulty going up and down stairs. Honey gets along well with other cats and will be happiest in a home without dogs. If you're interested in meeting Honey, please stop by our shelter and ask to meet her today!

Monday, 06 June 2016 09:48

Joke of the Week 6-13-16

Congrats to Jimmy G. of Akron for the Joke of the Week winner worth The Works from Klaben Auto!

A hitchhiker walks down the road. Unfortunately, he has the runs and has to stop every 15 minutes.

A truck driver stops and offers a ride, but warns him that he won't stop for anything. About 10 minutes on the road, the hitchhiker begs the truck driver to stop, and the driver tells him, "Stick your butt out the window if you have to go so bad."

The hitchhiker sticks his butt out the window and lets loose.

Unfortunately, he doesn't notice the two Steelers fans walking on the roadside. Sprayed with the unholy residue, the first fan wipes his face and says, "What are them truckers chewing these days?"

The second guy -- his name is Jim -- wipes his face and says, "I don't know, but did you see the lips on that guy?"

Wednesday, 01 June 2016 13:03

Meet Delly and Zola!

delly3.JPGDelly is a Pit Bull mix that was born around 9/2015 and currently weighs about 45 pounds but could still have some growing to do! He was recently returned because his family was moving. While in the home, he was house-trained and crated-trained but may need some time adjusting to a new schedule and routine. He would do best in a home with older children and has potential with the right dog. He is a sweet, affectionate and energetic pup that loves toys of all kinds. He has a goofball personality and can't wait find a home to call his very own!

 





cat_zola.jpg
Meet Zola! This friendly and petite 2-3 year old girl is hoping her forever home is just around the corner! Zola is a sweet and loving girl who wants nothing more than to curl up in your lap or a comfy bed! She can take a few minute to warm up to new people and places, but with the help of a few treats and gentle pets she soon feels at ease. Zola will play with toys and roll around in cat nip when her playful side comes out, but she is most happy spending time with her favorite people! Zola hopes you stop by our shelter soon and ask to meet her!

Friday, 27 May 2016 09:42

Joke of the Week 5/27

We confess...this WONE Joke of the Week starts with a priest and a rabbi, thanks to someone who doesn't want their name used but God knows who they are. So will Klaben Auto with The Works package going their way.

A priest and a rabbi are talking; the priest is out of town the coming weekend but there's nobody who will sit in on confession for him. The rabbi says he'd be glad to do it, and the priest invites him in for mid-week to get a feel of the process.

Both head for the confessional After waiting a few minutes, a woman comes in and says, "Father, forgive me for I have sinned." The priest asks, 'What did you do?" The woman says, "I committed adultery." The priest asks, "how many times?" The woman replies, "Three." Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box, and go and sin no more."

A few minutes later, a man enters the confessional. He says, "Father forgive me, for I have sinned." "What did you do?" asks the priest. "I committed adultery." "How many times?" the priest responds." "Three times." The priest says, "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more."

The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he's got it, so the priest leaves. A few minutes later another woman enters and says, "Father, forgive me for I have sinned." The rabbi says, "What did you do?" The woman replies, "I committed adultery."

The rabbi says, "How many times?" The woman replies, "Once."

The rabbi said, "Go and do it two more times, We have a special this week, three for $5."

Thursday, 26 May 2016 08:42

Meet Elaine and Amethyst!

lady elaineLady Elaine is a 6-7 year old Lab mix that weighs about 70 pounds. She is quite the lady, she has a wonderful laidback personality but still has pep in her step despite her age. She LOVES toys of all kinds but just a plain old tennis ball is her favorite. She gets along well with dogs but enjoys them best when they are as  laidback as her. If you think you have room in your home and heart for this beauty, visit Pawsibilities, Humane Society of Greater Akron today!

 

 

cat amethystMeet Amethyst! This pretty girl is looking for a home to call her own! Amethyst is a sweet 4 year old girl who enjoys cuddling up in your lap for pets and love! She usually takes a couple moments to get warmed up to new people and places, but with a few treats and gently pets she feels comfortable in no time! Amethyst is happiest when she is soaking up lots of love or taking quick naps on a cozy bed! She sometimes greets new people with a friendly meow! If you're interested in getting to know Amethyst better, please stop by our shelter and ask to meet her today!

Monday, 23 May 2016 08:35

Joke of the Week 5/20

Get ready for a ride thanks to K.C. of Akron with The Works from Klaben Auto for this gem.

Steeler Jim goes to the doctor. "Doc, you've gotta help me! My wife Bengal Betty just isn't interested in sex anymore. Haven't you got a pill or something I can give her? I am desperate!"

The doctor opens his desk drawer and removes a small bottle of pills. "Ordinarily, I wouldn't do this. These are experimental. The tests so far indicate that they're VERY powerful. Don't give her more than ONE, understand? Just ONE!"

"I don't know, Doc, she's awfully cold..." sputters Jim. "Just one," admonishes the doctor. "One. No more. In her coffee. Okay?"

Jim agrees and leaves for home, where Betty has dinner waiting. When dinner is finished, she goes to the kitchen to bring dessert. Jim hastily pulls the pills from his pocket and drops one into Betty's coffee.

He reflects for a moment, hesitates, then drops in a second pill.

And then he begins to worry. The doctor did say they were powerful. Then inspiration strikes, he drops one pill into his own coffee. Betty returns with the shortcake and they enjoy their dessert and coffee.

A few minutes after they finish, Betty shudders a little, sighs deeply and heavily, and a strange look comes over her. In a near whisper, and a tone of voice he has never heard her use before, she rumbles "I...need... a man...NOW!"

Jim's eyes glitter and his hands tremble as he replies, "Me... too..."

Wednesday, 18 May 2016 10:37

Meet Pike and Speckles

pikePike is a Pit Bull mix that was born around Oct 2015 and currently weighs about 30 pounds (but may have some more growing to do)! He enjoys toys of all kinds but a plush squeaky toy is the way to this pups heart. He can be shy when first meeting new people and would do best in a home with older children. He seems to get along well with most other dogs and he enjoys playing with them.  Come in and adopt Pike today!






cat specklesSpeckles is a 4 year old female who arrived at our shelter with some of her feline friends. Speckles is a sweet girl who takes some time to adjust to new people and places. Once Speckles knows you, she will curl up on your lap for gentle pets or a quick nap! Speckles especially enjoys being pet around her chin and cheek area. Speckles has lived with other cats before and shows potential to get along with dogs who are on the calm side. This precious lady is hoping to make her way into a forever home soon! Speckles hopes you stop by our shelter and ask to meet her today!

Friday, 13 May 2016 10:54

Joke of the Week 5/13

Quickest decision for Joke of the Week -- EVER! Thanks Jim Gibson of Akron for what's sure to be a classic, winning the Speedway gift card from Klaben Auto.

"Pinocchio bumps into his old pal Geppetto, the carpenter who made him. Geppetto asks how he is getting it on with his girlfriend. "Not bad," Pinocchio says, "but when we have sex she keeps complaining about the splinters."

"Don't worry," says Geppetto, "I'll give you a sheet of fine sandpaper. That should sort out the problem." A few weeks later, they meet again. "How are things with your girlfriend now?" asks Geppetto.

"Who needs a girlfriend?" Pinocchio replies!!.

Wednesday, 11 May 2016 09:28

Meet Warren and Olivia!

warrenWarren is a 3-4 year old Beagle mix that weighs about 35 pounds. He can be shy when first meeting new people but with some time and patience he slowly starts to warm up. He also shows potential with the right dog but prefers them to be as laidback as he is. Due to his initial shyness, a lower traffic home with no small children would be best. After Warren gets to know you, he enjoys getting pets and being by your side. If you think that you may be the person to give Warren the safe home he has always dreamed of, visit PHSGA today to meet this special man!

 

 

cat olivia 1Meet Olivia! This pretty 2 year old girl is hoping to find a home to call her own soon! Olivia is a sweet and loving girl who may take a few moments to warm up to new people and places. Once Olivia feels comfortable she enjoys receiving gentle pets and doesn't seem to mind being brushed or groomed. Olivia has lived with other cats before but will need time to adjust to a new feline friend and she shows potential to get along with a calm dog. Olivia likes to spend her days relaxing on a warm lap or soaking up a few rays of sunshine through the safety of a window. Olivia hopes you stop by our shelter soon and ask to meet her!

Page 1 of 12